Just a thought....

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child.
Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
-Rita Laws PhD

The Case Plan

The SW came by with a copy of the case plan on Tuesday. It was about what I expected. The father must do the following:

1. Obtain and maintain a source of income/support for the child.
2. Obtain and maintain stable, clean and safe housing that is also large enough for self and child.
   
3. Obtain childcare services or assure proper supervision of the child at all times.
4. Attend and complete parenting classes.
5. Cooperate with parent aide/family service worker and follow all aides recommendations.
6. Obtain substance abuse assessment and follow all of treatment providers recommendations.
7. Attend and successfully complete drug/alcohol treatment program with a licensed treatment provider if assessment recommends treatment.
8. Submit to at least 6 random drug screens.
9. Remain drug/alcohol free for 6 consecutive months and test negative when drug screened.

I did a little research and discovered that the father was last in prison in 1996, so he seems to have stayed out of any serious trouble for a long while. He has been incarcerated 5 times. His offenses have gradually gotten less severe. Past crimes committed include burglary, possession of LSD, possession of narcotics opiates, possession of marijuana, carrying a concealed weapon without a license, driving habitual violator, and DUI. I think he is 46 now.

I do pray that he can get better, but at the same time I am more convinced than ever that Baby S would have a better home with us. We covet your prayers.

Update on Baby S

Baby S is 95 days old today. She is staying awake more each day and since her body is growing, not only is she getting heavier, she isn't comfortable in one position or in one place for very long. She needs to be held often. It must be tough at this stage in a baby's development. They are still unable to sit up so but they are a lot bigger and more aware of things than when they were first born.

We have had her for this long and today Baby S saw her biological father for the first time since we've had custody. The visit was short--only 30-45 minutes. She came back smelling of perfume and cigarette smoke. Ugh. When the lady from DFCS brought her back, she brought a box her dad had sent that contained clothes and formula. There were even photos of her biological parents. Here they are, with the notes that were on the back.

Dearest Baby S, Daddy promises to do right and you'll be home real soon. Daddy loves you!

To My Beautiful Baby S from Mom

Sigh! Doesn't that make you feel for her parents? As we get more and more attached to Baby S, our emotions get more intense. It is not easy for our relatives, friends and neighbors, either. They love her, too.

I keep telling myself that God is sovereign and He'll ultimately be the one who decides where Baby S grows up. At the same time, I hope and pray for the salvation of Baby S's biological parents and that God heals them and delivers them from their addictive behaviors that have gotten them in this predicament. Now you have more faces to recall as you pray for what is best for Baby S.

Adoption Day!

Hannah officially became
Hannah Eri Spillers
today!
Praise the Lord!
He can indeed do miracles!

Jekyll Island Marriage Seminar

It was so nice to get away to Jekyll Island--just the two of us. Actually, we're still away. I'm posting this during the seminar. How cool! Three couples are playing the newlywed game and we're all watching and cheering. We took walks on the beach Saturday afternoon and on Sunday morning at sunrise. We learned how to communicate better as a couple. Specifically, we became better at empathy, expression, and problem solving.

Update on Baby S's Hearing

Our child advocate attorney for Baby S called today and gave us an update. In the hearing a week or two ago, it was disclosed that the father was ineligible to have custody of Baby S because of DUI and other past charges. So that has been confirmed. We did learn that now the father's sister or some other relative may be interested in having custody of the baby. We'd appreciate your prayers and support. Specifically, we'd like to know what course of action we can take to possibly influence the judge and/or the father to allow us to raise Baby S.

Baby S's First Coos

After 48 days of taking care of Baby S, we saw the miracle today of her making her first sounds other than crying and silence. What a joy. She focuses on faces somewhat and even smiles. We're smiling, too. Thank God for little steps of development.

Judge Says No Visit Yet

Our case worker for Baby S called us back at 11am, and said the baby wouldn't be visiting the maternal grandmother and/or the bio-dad after all. Since the case worker never quite made it to our house today, we didn't find out anything. She promised to come tomorrow. We got another call from a lady who will come and take a sample of the baby's DNA on Wednesday. My guess is that the judge said there would be no visits until the identity of the man as Baby S's bio-dad was certain. Anyway, hopefully we'll know more tomorrow.

Baby S Meets her Bio-dad and Godmother Today

Just got a call this morning. There is a hearing regarding Baby S today and the maternal grandmother and the bio-dad are here for that. While they are here, they want to have a visit with Baby S, so the case worker will come and pick her up most likely late this morning. Please pray that the visit is a good one and that God will have his way regarding who raises Baby S.

Thank you to Our Church Body

We are so grateful to have a church body as warm and caring as the one we are a part of now.
There has been an outpouring of generosity that has touched our hearts, and it is one in which Hannah and S----- have directly felt. It has been so cool to see God's people storing up treasures in heaven by donating their things and money to these two precious children.

We are new at raising babies and toddlers, and financially unprepared. Both children were placed in our care rather suddenly, and the timing is not ideal for us financially. I think a lot of people wait and wait and put off having children until they can "afford" them. Although we didn't wait regarding the normal way of having children--we tried for 15 years and as far as we knew, there was no medical reason we couldn't conceive. Where we did wait was regarding getting involved with DFCS, and trying to adopt a child through them. We kept hoping we would make enough money to adopt from overseas, but that never happened, and we were not getting any younger. Now we are kind of kicking ourselves for not getting involved with DFCS sooner. It is such a blessing to be a parent. It is the hardest job you'll ever love, as the slogan goes.

Anyway, seeing your generosity (not just from those who gave, but from those who pray and those who encourage us as well) helps me know that God will provide for his children.
Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!

S----- enjoying her swing from the Frick family.

Hannah saying goodnight to our dog, Suzie.

We Have a Hearing Date!

A letter came today announcing our hearing date for finalizing Hannah's adoption!
It's going to be February 13th, at 8:30am. She will officially become Hannah E. Spillers then.

After all this time of "having children, but not really having them", we are finally going to be parents! She will be 2 years old on January 7th. We were hoping to adopt her around that time, but we're happy just the same.

Hannah is growing and changing every day. She imitates little phrases any of us say, and it seems when I clear my throat, sneeze, cough, etc., she immediately imitates me. Since her mother is so busy with the baby now, Hannah is becoming a regular Daddy's girl. I often wondered why the oldest child takes after the dad while the second-born takes after the mom (regarding mannerisms and personality), and now I know. It's because mom is so busy with the baby.

Father Wants S----- Too, Says Case Worker

Today we got a visit from S-----'s case worker, and the news is that she says the father is now active in attempting to lay claims to his baby. This all depends, of course on him satisfactorily cleaning up his act and going through a home study with all the things that entails. Other sources we have, say that since he has a criminal record, he may not be eligible, so we are unsure if having a criminal record automatically disqualifies a person in this type of case.

I've got to hand it to the DFCS, they are diligent in getting involved with people and giving them a chance to prove that they'll be good parents before they give up on them. Although we are unwavering in our desire to keep S----- if the Lord wills, at the same time we are still excited to see not only that the biological parents chose life instead of abortion, but they are interested in raising her.

Duk-Sun and I aren't about to give up hope yet though, so we'd appreciate it if you would keep asking God to do what He thinks is best.

S----- is a month old today.

S----- had a present from Uncle Sam today. While at the DFCS Christmas party last night, we all saw Hannah's original foster mom, Ms. Morris. It was a nice reunion. Ms. Morris was so glad to see Hannah. I know it had to take a while for her pain to lessen. I can't imagine how it felt to give up Hannah after a year and a half. I understood she was taking the separation a little hard after we took Hannah for good. That's why we deliberately kept our distance for a while...to make it a little easier on her. Ms Morris had a new baby boy she was keeping, and her three adopted children were there. Hannah seemed to have no problem recognizing them. Too bad we forgot the camera!

Anyway, at the party we were asking her what kind of formula she used and where she got it and Ms. Morris informed us of a program that gives foster children free formula. So today I took Hannah and S----- to Decatur and we applied for the aid. Next time I'll take toys and books. It took longer than I thought, and Hannah got a little bored. We had to go through 6 different people if you include the security guard. The funny thing is, while killing time by walking around a big lobby area, Hannah was trying to get me to go to another part of the building. I told her that we had no business there. As it turns out, she was pointing to the last station we would go to before we were finished. It had been over 6 months since Hannah had been there, but she remembered a lot about the place. It wasn't what I'd call "a fun day", but it was nice to get a month of formula for S-----. That's money that can be spent on the other baby things.

It just goes to show that it is more blessed to give than to receive. We went to the party hoping to be a blessing to Ms. Morris, but she blessed us more by sharing this good news with us.

New Baby Bulletin

Today:

• S----- was awake more than ever.
• She lost her umbilical cord.
• Michelle got to hold her long enough to say her arms were tired. She loved it!
  

Here are some photos.

One 10 and Four 3s

There we were, sitting in the living room at 10pm when the phone rang, and lo and behold, it was a lady from DFACS. I couldn't believe my ears. She asked if we would be willing to accept another child. I said it depends on the child's age. She said, "Is 3 weeks young enough for you?" I said, Wow! Are you kidding?" And she said there was a baby at the hospital and she had tried for 3 weeks to find a relative and couldn't. And she had tried calling folks for 3 hours and couldn't find anyone willing to take the infant home with them. I checked with Duk-Sun and said yes, and so now we have another baby. Her name is S---- E-------. It was exactly 3 hours after we got the call that we were leaving the hospital with this bundle of joy.

Official Permission Granted!

This is the building where we had our meeting today. We signed papers and received a lot of papers and as of now, we have official permission to adopt Hannah! The next step is to pick a lawyer from a list, hand him the Affidavit of release and consent to adoption that we got today, and wait for our appointment to finalize the adoption in court. We are hoping to finish before Hannah's 2nd birthday, which will be on January 7th. We are very excited that we are this close now!
Hannah was very good today at the signing. It may be coincidence, but today out of the blue she started using the word "mine". No one had ever heard her say it before. I told her, I said, "Hannah, you are mine." She smiled something like this.

The lady on the left is Aleeza K. She has been involved with Hannah as her case worker since she was born. The lady on the right is Aleeza's new supervisor, Tiffany. Everyone at DFACS has been wonderful.

As I pause to reflect on this day I am thinking, "What a blessing--but also--gulp! What a big responsibility!" Please pray for me as I take on this long awaited role of fatherhood.

TPR Day

What is TPR day? TPR stands for Termination of Parental Rights. Hannah's court hearing was today. Her biological mother's rights were terminated months ago. Today her biological father's rights were terminated. So she is now free for us to adopt her. DFACS should get the papers mailed to them from the court within a month. After that, they'll call us in and we'll start the adoption paperwork. Yeah! Thank God for this wonderful gift!

Here we are all together.
Hank and Michelle's mom sent them a package and it arrived today. They sure liked getting the care package.
They even sent Hannah a purse. She smiled from ear to ear.

Update on Hannah

Adoption - Tomorrow, we'll get a visit from a lawyer to discuss the adoption case. More info. to come.

Development:

Communication - Hannah is still not talking much, but her communication skills have gotten much better. She still signs for a lot of things, and she makes a lot of utterances, but they are sometimes clear only to those who know her well. Yesterday when I put her in her high chair she saw toast with jelly and said clearly, "I want that!"

Imitation - When singing songs during family time yesterday, I noticed her watching our lips as if to try to imitate us for the first time. She has always sung when music was playing, but she simply did her own thing. Now she is aware that her sounds don't match ours and she is at the beginning stages of trying to match our sounds.

Neatness - Kids at this age are supposed to enjoy arranging things, but Duk-Sun and I noticed some time ago that Hannah is a bit of a neat freak. She gets distraught when things are out of place. When eating, she'll often line up her pieces of food in rows. She lines up her shoes neatly, also.

Independence - When going places, if we seem to be forgetting her diaper bag, she'll let us know. She feeds herself most of the time. Also, I think if she could change her own diaper, she would. She regularly points at her diaper when it is soiled, and yesterday she brought me a clean diaper and led me to the bathroom. When I got to the place on the floor in front of the bathroom closet where we usually change her diaper I discovered that she had taken out the changing pad, laid it out flat, and there was the diaper rash creme and the wipes ready to go.

DFACS Update & Prayer Request

Today was the third visit from our adoption case manager, Mrs. Parkey. It was nice to tell her about the milestones Hannah has passed.

Recent Milestones:

• For example, on Sunday we were getting dressed with the door closed and Hannah was on the other side of the door. She called us both in one sentence by name. "Da Da! Ma Ma!", she called, quite assertively. She was ready to go to church and wanted us to hurry up!
  
• And yesterday, I took Hank and Michelle out shopping for new Bibles for school. Before going, Hannah insisted on a goodbye hug and after returning, she was waiting on the steps and gave me a big hug to welcome me home. Until then, all the hugs were from me to her, but now she is learning to initiate. How sweet!
  
• And one more thing; Hannah is gradually learning how to answer with a nod and a smile in the affirmative. Even when she wants something and knows what you are asking, she doesn't know how to say yes. Somehow she already knew plenty of ways to say no, but how nice it was today to see her nod and smile when I asked her a question. These seem like little things, I'm sure, but for us they are causes for celebration!

We also discovered that adopting Hannah may take longer than we were told before. Here is a summary of what we learned:

Why the adoption is going to take longer:

• There was a hearing for Hannah on July 27th. We were expecting the judge to do a TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) for the father, but he didn't. (The mother's rights were already terminated back in May, so terminating the father's rights and allowing a 30 day appeal period should have been all that was left before we could begin the adoption process.)
  
• The reason the judge didn't terminate the father's rights is because a lawyer that was supposed to have served him with papers did not. He was supposed to serve him with papers or advertise in a newspaper for the past 60 days, but he did not.
  
• DFACS has filed a complaint against the lawyer asking him to get his act together.
  
• The judge set a new date for another hearing in October. This is to allow 60 days for another newspaper advertising period, since it hasn't been done yet. After that, there should be that 30 day allowance for an appeal before we should be able to start the process of adopting Hannah.
  
• Originally, we felt sure that we could complete Hannah's adoption by the end of the summer. Now it is starting to look like it may take until December or January, assuming it will take about 45 days once the process starts.
  

Prayer Request - We would appreciate your prayers that Hannah's adoption can take place as soon as possible and that there will be no more unnecessary delays.

Adoption News

Two years ago, Duk-Sun and I took the DFACS (Dekalb County Family and Children Services) course to become adoptive / foster parents. We opted to wait for a child that was under two years old. Well, at long last an e-mail came about a child who would possibly be available for adoption. Her name is J------. She is14 months old. She is currently placed temporarily in a good foster home, so she is being well taken care of. We had to update some records for DFACS, and that took a couple of weeks because we had to get new physical exams.

Last Friday, there was a hearing on behalf of J------, and during the hearing the judge terminated the mother's rights. Next, there will be a period of 60 days in which the county will place an advertisement in the newspaper, allowing her biological father to come forth and claim her if he wishes. We were told that it is highly unlikely that he will, but that it is a legal step we must go through.

Next week, we will meet with our case worker, and schedule visits with J------. As time goes on, we will take her to our home for day visits, and later for overnight visits. And this will lead to the final hand-over, perhaps in July after the 60-day advertising period is over. It is best to do it this way for all who are concerned, but especially for the baby. A gradual transition will be much better for her. It must be very traumatic to change families.

We are excited to see Lord answering our prayers and are eager to welcome this child into our home. We welcome your prayers as we go through this process.